27 Week Realizations

Well, I made it up to my 27th week of pregnancy WITHOUT getting super sick (non-pregnancy related sickness)... but here I am 27 weeks and 2 days pregnant, and I am sick as can be... You see, I'm babysitting this week, and the 10 year old got me sick (her symptoms started first... so I'm 99% sure she started with it and then spread it to me) and now I have a full-fledged cold. 

Spent the first 36ish hours of the cold with a throat so sore it felt like a mix of irritation/fire/raw-ness/extreme pain that was driving me CRAZY. It hurt to move, to breathe, to talk. Fast forward to how I've spent the last 36 hours... I have developed a cough that is progressively getting worse. With every painful & heavy cough, my stomach tightens so much that I wanna rip out my lungs. (Plus I'm pretty sure baby is just done.) So far I've used up an entire roll of toilet paper plus a whole box of tissues, I'm on a steady/regular  regimen of alternating Tylenol and Sudafed, and my body (and mind) are exhausted. It's getting harder to breathe. My nose is raw. My throat hurts. The coughing hurts, more with each cough. My lungs might explode. 

Meanwhile, throughout all this... I've had a few recurring thoughts that I haven't been able to shake and wanted to share with you:

(1) I'm actually grateful... that even though I'm hurting, and at times I wish my lungs would explode, that I HAVE functioning lungs. I'm grateful that I can breathe, and even though it's hard to do so right now, I'm glad it's a temporary struggle. The pain I'm currently experiencing/suffering might feel like THE WORST in this moment but I know this moment is just a brief moment of hardship. There are good moments to come, I just need to keep pushing forward. 

(2) Being a mom is hard. I'm responsible for two kids right now (in addition to the puppy and kitty who need constant attention) and that means that day + night, I'm getting water for them, helping them get to the bathroom, cleaning them up, making them food, entertaining them, or helping them entertain themselves, and of course a million other things. Being so sick, I'm appreciating my mom SO much more for the million sacrifices she made consistently throughout her life to take care of me even when she wasn't feeling even remotely close to "her best". (BTW. THANK YOU MOM!) I'm also appreciative and in awe of ALL THE MOMS out there who manage to never "take a sick day", and provide endless love and care for their kiddos even when they feel like they're dying. You moms are way IMPRESSIVE! You dads are too-- especially the ones who are single dads or stay at home dads. Keep up the incredibly hard (but so so vitally important) work. You are exactly what your kids need now and for forever. 

(3) As crappy as I've felt throughout this pregnancy and as horrible as I currently feel... I know I'm one of the lucky ones. I know many of you (my dear friends) haven't been so lucky. You haven't been able to get pregnant, or you have and you've lost a baby (or babies). It breaks my heart. I know that many of you would be willing to sacrifice anything, almost everything, to be pregnant-- to have a healthy baby growing inside you, or any baby for that matter. You have shed a lot of tears wishing for a baby... you have expressed a clear willingness to accept any child God would give you.... and you plea for compassion-- and still feel empty. Maybe you have spent a lot of money ($$$) or even time on a solution that hasn't worked in the way you hoped. You have probably fasted and prayed for a miracle or at least an understanding a million times. You dread scrolling through Facebook and Instagram because when you see another pregnancy announcement you feel guilty when it just breaks your heart. You are happy for your friends but deep down you wish it were you announcing instead. I don't know exactly how you feel, but I AM grateful for you and the example you set for me. You are strong. You remind me every day that I have a reason to fight through my sickness and pain and frustrations because... well, I'm one of the lucky ones. For some reason God blessed me with this baby. I don't know why it's me instead of you... but in a way, your loss has been a reason for me to press forward no matter how bad my day is. 

It's clear to me that in every crappy situation I experience, there is a great lesson to learn and a story to tell. I RARELY understand why something is happening and sometimes I don't even know what exactly is happening... but I do know that God DOES know, that he has a master plan. Although he's allowing life to happen and I might not like the things that are happening at all times... he is mindful of me, my pain, my struggles, and he is cheering me on. God doesn't want us to quit when hard times happen. God wants us to learn something from the hard times and prove to ourselves (more than anyone) that we can do hard things. 

At the end of the day, we only fail when we do not try. 

So here's my promise: 

I'm gonna try harder every day to do better, to be better, to be stronger, to work harder. Why? Because I owe it to myself, to my husband, to God, to my baby/future family to do it :)