The Power of Support

**For those NOT on Facebook, my original post is here. It starts: "One thing that I have learned the last year and a half is the power of.... (drum roll please)... SUPPORT! You see, we all have different backgrounds, interests, abilities, situations, etc. What we have in common is that we are all human-- we all make mistakes; we all experience failure. What stands us apart is how we react to the good/successes; AND the bad/failures/frustrations. Our response and reaction to the hard times can be greatly affected and impacted by the relationships we have built and the support we get from those we've built relationships with. Long story short, I haven't always created good, solid relationships that are of a win-win nature... (It usually ends up as either a "give, give, give" OR "take it, no matter the cost" relationship....

(1) I end up giving my all and then some, where I'm left burned out and ready to quit. OR (2) I end up walking all over people with the intention of getting something for nothing (yes, I admit this was horrible).) MORAL OF THIS STORY: I learned that success earned while screwing others or walking all over them or using them to get to the top is NO success I want to have-- It is not a space you can mentally reside in for long as there is no feeling of empowerment or (good) pride because it was never actually earned, just taken and forced.

The best way to find true joy, and accomplish a level of success you've only ever dreamed of, is to make every situation a win-win.  (A win-win situation in my mind is one that I walk away from feeling like I was able to help, and was able to receive some assistance in the meantime, AND I know the other party feels the same.)

I married a man 1.5 years ago who from DAY 1 impressed me with his dreams and his goals, and his vision for a bigger/better/more influential life. It was clear to me even then that the relationships I had built up, had been set up to fail (...by myself)... I had become so good at using others or being used that I was creating self-destructive relationships which only ended up dragging me down.

He changed everything...

He showed me the beauty of having a dream. He showed me the power and impact of working hard. He showed me the light and joy that can result from building up others. He showed me this NEW life, one I had assumed was only visible in movies and fairy tales.

He is strong. He is smart. He is creative. He is impactful and inspirational. He is hardworking. He is brave. He is confident yet humble. He is constantly progressing, moving forward. He encourages and uplifts. He teaches and motivates. He strengthens and empowers.

The only thing I felt I could contribute was something I felt was so insignificant and wasn't sure it would even matter. I wasn't as capable. I wasn't as hardworking. I wasn't as brave or confident. I was definitely not humble :) I wasn't that great at motivating or empowering others either.

What I felt was insignificant has been HUGE this past year. My husband and I ended up starting a family company: Smith Family Investing. Our motto is simple... "Your dreams matter." And our mission states exactly what our goal is, which is to "create wealth for the benefit of mankind-- one family, one community at a time."

We united our passions and dreams and goals for the future and this company was the result. I felt like he had the majority of the good ideas (he still does...). I felt like he was the more passionate person. He had the background of sales, of business, and of working painstakingly hard (physically, mentally, etc.). I had a "fun" background where putting on events, and nonprofit work were all I really felt I was good at or even knew much about. I felt inadequate when we started, and to an extent, I was. But my husband never doubted me or my abilities or my passion or my dreams. My dreams mattered.

He encouraged me to do something slightly uncomfortable, out of my usual routine towards my dreams. We ended up (after deciding 2 weeks prior) to pack up and move across the country. We did it. We lived with my parents for a few months while we nailed down our goals and our "plan". A couple months later, we packed everything up again and moved to TN. We didn't have friends here, or jobs, or a good plan (or so we thought). What we did have was energy, love, passion, and excitement-- and we had each other. We had SUPPORT, even if that support was just us supporting each other. That support is what got us to where we are today, and has left us with one thing you just can't really buy... happiness.

My insignificant-feeling support of my husband and his desire to be financially free and pursue real estate investing never seemed far fetched to me. His dreams never seemed unreachable or impossible. He always had a plan. He had goals. He had past experiences and past failures that were fueling him to push harder, work harder, and be better than he was. People have made comments before about this lifestyle (being self-employed) being unstable, having no security, or being risky.

I smile when people say that.

I have never felt more joy and peace OR seen more potential for a better future paired with a possibility for reaching my "pipe dream" goals. What I once thought was impossible, now isn't just becoming possible, but it is becoming a reality. I have never felt more safe. I have never felt more stable. I have never felt more empowered or encouraged.

This man came out of nowhere. One swipe right on Tinder and my whole life shifted upside down. That shift somehow put everything in place. Before him, I had been confused, depressed, lonely, frustrated, unmotivated. With him, I saw clearly, and was excited for the future (no longer dreading waking up each morning).

He is rare. He is special. He is unique.

He is an unstoppable power house.

He is amazing. He is more than just capable-- he doesn't rely on others to get things done. If he wants it, he makes it happen.

He reads and listens to inspirational/self-help/empowering books. He listens to them again and again. He watches documentaries of people who went through hard times and he learns from them, applying different lessons to his own life.

He sees his faults, his failures, his mistakes. He admits they occurred. He doesn't let them hold him back. He lets them fuel him into working twice as hard. He doesn't back down. He fights for what he wants. He doesn't take no for an answer.

He believes he can, and he definitely can.

He believes I can, and he has helped me know that I can.

Because I chose to swipe right; because I took that initial risk, that leap of faith; because I fought for him; because I chose to support him from our very first date... everything changed.

Yeah, he changed-- and he is continually changing and developing and growing.

But in the end, the person who has done the most changing, is me.

I couldn't be more grateful for the man who posts sweet things about me on Facebook; who gives me back rubs even with a sprained wrist; who does what I "ask" even when my "ask" is more of a demand and less of a question/request; who respects me; who thinks I am beautiful; who tells me I am amazing; who would do anything and does everything to empower me; and who believes in me more than anyone ever has and more than I feel they probably should.

I love this man. The man who posted: "I am so grateful for my wife Jenna Baker Smith. There is nothing more wonderful than the unwavering support of a loving wife when you are working on creating your dreams. I am so grateful for her sacrifice, positivity and her faith in me even when my resolve waivers. We can do anything together and that makes me so excited about the future which is in the making."

He has NEVER, not once, asked me to do something he is not willing to do, or hasn't already done. And he never will. You see, this marriage to him is more than a marriage, more than just being best friends. It is a partnership. We are equals. He loves me not because he has to but for some odd reason :), he just does. He believes I can do anything I put my mind to.

This man is not perfect. But, he is perfect for me.

At the end of the day, I can't imagine my life without him. And I don't ever want to.

He is the best thing I've ever been blessed with, because he has given me something I didn't know was possible for me... When I was in high school, I wrote a list of 7 things I wanted to accomplish before I was 30... one of them (the most important one): to be happy. Back then it seemed impossible. Heck, even two years ago I was still convinced it was never ever ever gonna happen.

Then I met him.

And everything changed.

In September 2015, I wasn't in a good place. I had my heart broken. I was depressed beyond description. I had given up. I had no job. I had no support besides the family I felt "had to" support me. I was tempted to end my life. I spent a couple weeks in a mental health behavioral center (aka mental hospital). I was ready to quit right then and there.

For some reason, I didn't.

I didn't know why. God knew why.

3 months later I met him. 1 month after that, we were engaged. 2.5 months after that, we were married.

It's been 1 year and 4-ish months... as of today: we have lived in 2 apartments and 2 houses; we started with 2 cars, have bought 5 more, and have sold 4; we have lived in 3 states; been registered voters in 3 states; we have started a business; we are expecting a baby (7 weeks from Saturday) boy; and we have pushed ourselves past our breaking point multiple times.

I don't have a SINGLE regret. Not one. He is the best choice I've ever made. No need to regret the mistakes or failures I've experienced or any of the hard times, because those failures/mistakes/hard times lead to this--right here, right now. And I wouldn't change a thing about it.

I am lucky. I am blessed. I am grateful. Best of all, I am loved.

Courage

Often times many of us do not feel heard. We have opinions, experiences, feelings, but our voice has been drowned out so many times in the past that we stop sharing.

No one listens anymore. And, if they do "listen", they then tear us apart for sharing what we believe or have experienced.

We start to feel lonely.

We start to become isolated.

After a while, not feeling heard drives us to remove ourselves from situations we used to enjoy. After a while, we act like we don't really care because caring has caused too much pain.

But the whole not caring thing? It hurts more.


There are three things I want to share regarding feeling heard, and having courage to say what you want or need to say, whether or not people like it.

(1) SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY. Whether or not you feel someone is listening, say it. If you are posting on facebook (or on your blog) and you've been told before that "you're wrong", that "you shouldn't share stuff like that", or anything else that has silenced you and taken away your voice... STOP LISTENING TO THE HATERS. No matter what is said (by you or me or anyone for that matter), someone will disagree. 

Too often we spend our time trying to please both sides. We avoid saying anything controversial because we don't want to offend someone, let alone say something that would offend a friend or family member. But choosing to stay neutral and never say anything real, will only begin to suffocate you until (a) you start believing you don't really have anything to say or (b) you entirely stop believing what you used to believe.

Your beliefs and experiencing are real and true, if not to the haters, at least to you! You may feel as if you are the only one who has ever thought that thought or gone through that experience, but you never know who has felt the same exact things (or similar things) but have had their voice shut down-- and have started believing they are alone in those feelings, and/or have either given up on sharing those feelings at all.

Have the courage to have your opinion and share it too. Say it, even if you're afraid to.


(2) STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS. How often do we overhear someone say something or come across something online that is hurtful or offensive? It may personally offend you. It may offend you because it attacks or humiliates someone you know, a family member or friend. It might call out a group of people that you identify with.  

How often do we feel hurt by what is said and then let it destroy us, a little at a time-- all while it demolishes our confidence and causes us to crawl into a little hole and just hide.

Why do we let their words break us? Why don't we stand up and say something, even if it's just something small? 

I read an article this morning that really touched me. Someone chose to have courage and say something. She wasn't sure she should, but she was glad when she did. View the article here.

I admire her. I admire how she stood up for this women, a woman she didn't even know.

I know I'd be more likely to stand up for someone else, than I would for myself. Why is that? Why do I cower at the idea of standing up for myself when I feel attacked or hurt? 

What a difference it would make if we each chose to stand up for ourselves and others more often than we do. Imagine the lives that would change, the empowerment that would be felt, the sense of community that would develop. 

You deserve to have a voice. It's time to have the courage to make your voice heard.


(3) DON'T GIVE UP OR GIVE IN.

When you get a comment or message about something you've said that stings a bit, or hurts more than it should, don't give in! Stay strong.

Today I saw an anonymous comment that had been left on one of my previous blog posts last night. In the comment there were some things said that initially caused me to literally cower over. The commenter said "gag me" and then asked that I stay out of other people's business and stick to my own.

I wanted to stop my blog right then. For a solid minute I read and re-read the comment as if this stranger had taken away my confidence and destroyed my entire belief system.

Then I thought about it and realized that the one comment that I read didn't change anything. I was not less of a person. Those words didn't take away my personal experiences. I felt such hate in this person's comment. It was clear to me that they were offended by what I shared and couldn't let it go, so they chose to spend their time hating on me.

That comment helped me realize that there will almost ALWAYS be someone that will disagree with what I have to say. So I shook it off, and wrote this. Thing is, I don't want to spend my time hating on anyone else. I don't want to spend my time finding ways to get back at someone for something they said that I didn't like. We are all entitled to have our opinions and our opinions will be based on our own experiences and understandings. So why waste my time trying to convince someone that their thoughts/feelings/experiences are invalid? That's just cruel, and pointless.

Have the courage to keep sharing your thoughts and experiences, even when others may try to shoot you down at every turn. Don't give up, don't give in.






(I hope you know that I do not desire for my blog to try to convince you of anything, or to make you feel inadequate, insecure, or anything like that.) 

The PURPOSE of this blog is to encourage everyone to open their minds, to think a little differently than they did before, to try a little harder to be a little better.

I hope that as I write these posts, you (as my readers) will share your insights and allow me to open my mind more, thinking differently. I recognize the value of learning something from everyone I meet.

We all have strengths and experiences that set us aside from others around us.

By choosing to listen instead of disagree, to comment with an encouraging alternative thought process or idea, and learn to go into each new situation with a more open mind and heart, we are allowing others the same courtesy that we expect from them.

All we want as humans is to be heard. But don't forget that you can't expect someone to hear you out if you always shut them down.

Have the courage to be different, to speak your mind. Have the courage to stand up for others as they do the same. And, have the courage to open your mind and heart and think a little differently. Afterall, we all deserve an equal opportunity not only to be heard, but also to listen to others as they share what they need to say.

27 Week Realizations

Well, I made it up to my 27th week of pregnancy WITHOUT getting super sick (non-pregnancy related sickness)... but here I am 27 weeks and 2 days pregnant, and I am sick as can be... You see, I'm babysitting this week, and the 10 year old got me sick (her symptoms started first... so I'm 99% sure she started with it and then spread it to me) and now I have a full-fledged cold. 

Spent the first 36ish hours of the cold with a throat so sore it felt like a mix of irritation/fire/raw-ness/extreme pain that was driving me CRAZY. It hurt to move, to breathe, to talk. Fast forward to how I've spent the last 36 hours... I have developed a cough that is progressively getting worse. With every painful & heavy cough, my stomach tightens so much that I wanna rip out my lungs. (Plus I'm pretty sure baby is just done.) So far I've used up an entire roll of toilet paper plus a whole box of tissues, I'm on a steady/regular  regimen of alternating Tylenol and Sudafed, and my body (and mind) are exhausted. It's getting harder to breathe. My nose is raw. My throat hurts. The coughing hurts, more with each cough. My lungs might explode. 

Meanwhile, throughout all this... I've had a few recurring thoughts that I haven't been able to shake and wanted to share with you:

(1) I'm actually grateful... that even though I'm hurting, and at times I wish my lungs would explode, that I HAVE functioning lungs. I'm grateful that I can breathe, and even though it's hard to do so right now, I'm glad it's a temporary struggle. The pain I'm currently experiencing/suffering might feel like THE WORST in this moment but I know this moment is just a brief moment of hardship. There are good moments to come, I just need to keep pushing forward. 

(2) Being a mom is hard. I'm responsible for two kids right now (in addition to the puppy and kitty who need constant attention) and that means that day + night, I'm getting water for them, helping them get to the bathroom, cleaning them up, making them food, entertaining them, or helping them entertain themselves, and of course a million other things. Being so sick, I'm appreciating my mom SO much more for the million sacrifices she made consistently throughout her life to take care of me even when she wasn't feeling even remotely close to "her best". (BTW. THANK YOU MOM!) I'm also appreciative and in awe of ALL THE MOMS out there who manage to never "take a sick day", and provide endless love and care for their kiddos even when they feel like they're dying. You moms are way IMPRESSIVE! You dads are too-- especially the ones who are single dads or stay at home dads. Keep up the incredibly hard (but so so vitally important) work. You are exactly what your kids need now and for forever. 

(3) As crappy as I've felt throughout this pregnancy and as horrible as I currently feel... I know I'm one of the lucky ones. I know many of you (my dear friends) haven't been so lucky. You haven't been able to get pregnant, or you have and you've lost a baby (or babies). It breaks my heart. I know that many of you would be willing to sacrifice anything, almost everything, to be pregnant-- to have a healthy baby growing inside you, or any baby for that matter. You have shed a lot of tears wishing for a baby... you have expressed a clear willingness to accept any child God would give you.... and you plea for compassion-- and still feel empty. Maybe you have spent a lot of money ($$$) or even time on a solution that hasn't worked in the way you hoped. You have probably fasted and prayed for a miracle or at least an understanding a million times. You dread scrolling through Facebook and Instagram because when you see another pregnancy announcement you feel guilty when it just breaks your heart. You are happy for your friends but deep down you wish it were you announcing instead. I don't know exactly how you feel, but I AM grateful for you and the example you set for me. You are strong. You remind me every day that I have a reason to fight through my sickness and pain and frustrations because... well, I'm one of the lucky ones. For some reason God blessed me with this baby. I don't know why it's me instead of you... but in a way, your loss has been a reason for me to press forward no matter how bad my day is. 

It's clear to me that in every crappy situation I experience, there is a great lesson to learn and a story to tell. I RARELY understand why something is happening and sometimes I don't even know what exactly is happening... but I do know that God DOES know, that he has a master plan. Although he's allowing life to happen and I might not like the things that are happening at all times... he is mindful of me, my pain, my struggles, and he is cheering me on. God doesn't want us to quit when hard times happen. God wants us to learn something from the hard times and prove to ourselves (more than anyone) that we can do hard things. 

At the end of the day, we only fail when we do not try. 

So here's my promise: 

I'm gonna try harder every day to do better, to be better, to be stronger, to work harder. Why? Because I owe it to myself, to my husband, to God, to my baby/future family to do it :)

Bad Apples & Just Apples

Often times as I scroll through my Facebook feed (and instagram) I see a lot of articles regarding divorce geared towards the women who were hurt, taken advantage of, etc. during their marriage and sometimes after the divorce. I read these and feel for these women (many of their stories beyond heartbreaking), but I also notice that there is a common blanketed belief that men are the cause of the problem. The majority of the articles I have seen are focused on the women who were the victims, and place the blame entirely on the man.

Although I recognize that in some situations it is easy to find fault/error with the actions of that man, I also feel that it is not very common that a divorce is COMPLETELY one sided. There is usually some degree of fault, error, miscommunication, etc. on BOTH SIDES (though the degree to which one is at fault can DEFINITELY vary).

My husband is divorced, and I am his second wife. Unlike the stories I read on FB (where I feel for the women who share those experiences), I am exposed regularly to the RAW emotions and experiences of a divorced man; a man who has admitted his fault in aspects of his divorce but is often floored that men and women alike choose to take zero responsibility for their faults in their divorce.

SIDE NOTE: We met an AMAZING MAN last week who shared with us that he has finally married the “right” woman. This is his third marriage. He said many things that amazed me. He started by sharing about his rough youth and how he got involved with a lot of not-so-good stuff. He shared how had a few people that made a big difference in his life and the direction his life went. He shared his largest gains and greatest losses. He shared a bit about his first two marriages, and that his first two wives cheated on him. As he spoke of the marriages/his exes, he mentioned something that made me instantly know I had just met an incredible man. He said: “I wasn’t doing my job. If they did that, I wasn’t doing what I needed to do.” In many instances, someone cheats and the other person in the marriage is bitter and mad about the situation. They accept no responsibility or fault because they weren’t the one who cheated. But in reality, why did that person cheat? Why did they resort to do so? This is all obviously is a situation by situation, person by person basis. However, this man’s humility in RECOGNIZING that his actions LED to that occurrence in some way SHOCKED ME.

He is a good man. Most people who get divorced are GOOD people. In the majority of situations, it breaks my heart when the blame is put 100% on the husband/father and there is NO responsibility taken on behalf of the wife/mother.

I have seen a man who has been broken emotionally and in part mentally, had his son kept from him, literally shed tears during the many hard times, sat in silence when reflecting on happy AND sad moments, who has chosen to accept responsibility for his actions. I have seen his young son ask if he’s COMING HOME with him after one of their short and rare visits, and the heartbreak of this dad telling him HE CAN'T. I have seen his little boy get upset, mad even, that his dad was leaving, again, and yet my husband wishes more than anything he didn’t have to leave or say goodbye and wait another few months before seeing him for an afternoon.

Sometimes good people get hurt. Sometimes in a divorce both parties feel hurt or betrayed. Sometimes both sides are both victims. Most times both sides have some degree of responsibility to accept for the divorce. Sometimes all the blame goes to only one person, and responsibility is thrown out the window.

I do not claim to know anything other than men tend to get a bad rap in life: They can rarely babysit because “you know how some men are”. They don’t get their children in a divorce because the mother “will be a better parent right now”. They can’t be alone with certain people and can’t be trusted with others. Men get blamed for a lot of the world’s problems, even when it’s not the men who were solely responsible.

In our lives we have been exposed to a few BAD apples. Some we have personally seen/tasted/picked. Some we have seen friends or loved ones get exposed to. And yet somehow these few bad apples have spoiled the rest of the apples. When thinking of this analogy, don’t just think in terms of marriage/relationships-- think to different jobs/cultures/families/etc.

A few bad apples happened to be men. They may have abused their wives (physically, emotionally, or mentally). They may have cheated someone out of their time or hard earned money. They may have been dishonest or claimed to be someone they clearly weren’t. I am not saying these men do not exist. I am simply stating that many good apples/good men are lumped into the bad apple category simply for being a “stereotypical” man, when in reality being a man is the only reason they were lumped into that category to begin with. We even neglect, or to an extent refuse to admit, that there are a few bad apples who happen to be women.

Let me make my thoughts clear: If you were hurt or cheated on or abused by one of these bad apples, I am so sorry for the pain he caused you and I hope over time you can find a way to let go of the pain and heal.

If, however, you are somehow convinced that every divorced man is guilty of something bad; if you come to the conclusion that he doesn’t have his child with him because he did something wrong; if you are determined to find fault or error in a man because things obviously didn’t work out before…

STOP IT.

Most men are not bad apples/bad men. Most men are good. Most men love their children. Most men love their wife. No man is perfect. All men make mistakes. But also realize that no woman is perfect. All women make mistakes. Most men try to provide and make their wives happy and take care of their children. Many men fall short of what the aimed to be. But many women fall short as well. Some men say hurtful things, behave inappropriately, offend those closest to them, betray the ones they love. BUT most men will apologize, make it right, do anything and everything in their power to not only say they are sorry but also to show it repetitively. Not because they have to or feel obligated to, but because they love you; they are human and made a mistake (to some extent) and they want to make it right because it wasn’t right. Most men will apologize. Most men will love you on the good days, and somehow love you more on the bad ones. Most men will love you as you are. Most men work hard. Most men accomplish great things FOR their families. Most men care. Most men are kind. Most men are honest.

I have seen over time (even just the last few years) less and less people (disregarding gender, race, background, religion, etc.) accept “personal” responsibility. No one wants to admit they are imperfect, that they fell short, that they made a mistake, that they did something wrong, that they were off, that they didn’t accomplish what they aimed to, that they were or still are judgemental. But what we often forget is that we are ALL imperfect. We all fall short, often. We each make so many mistakes, that it should be funny at this point. We all mess up ALL the time and do things wrong. We don’t quite make it. We are all guilty of judging others, often times those closest to us.

It has been said that when you point a finger (of judgement or blame) at another, reality is, you have THREE pointed back at yourself. This statement has been said to me before and I’ve heard it said to others multiple times, by individuals who (when confronted during an honest and heartfelt conversation) felt attacked in someway. This “attack” was many times me just being honest and open, sharing my feelings/experiences/emotions. Somehow in today’s society, conversations no longer happen. If someone disagrees with someone’s belief or experience or story, they get attacked for sharing.

WHEN did having open communication or conversations start to become an easy entrance for an ATTACK? WHY can’t we have the “hard conversations” without getting MAD? WHEN someone shares their personal experiences, WHY don’t we just listen? WHY do we feel it necessary to immediately put up our DEFENSES, put off all responsibility, admit to NO FAULT, and claim the other person is to BLAME. WHY are we so QUICK to JUDGE? WHY are we so quick to FEEL ATTACKED that the second someone gets up the courage to share what they are thinking or feeling, we close our eyes/ears/mind and immediately PUSH BACK?

If I can’t even stand up for MYSELF in a conversation without being attacked, it’s clear the good men don’t stand a chance. The second one man opens his mouth to explain his experience during a situation, WE SHUT HIM DOWN. We tell him that he is either WRONG or that his situation isn’t “normal” or “typical”. We push aside his story and emotions because we don’t like that those emotions don’t line up with the storyline we’ve been sharing. We don’t want to admit we're judgemental. We don’t want to admit we’re wrong. We don't want to believe that our experience and our story isn't THE right one. We claim to be open minded. We claim to be fair. We claim to understand. BUT when it boils down to it, we can’t admit that we were wrong or that we have some responsibility in what’s going on.

WHY do we feel it necessary to attack instead of love? To react instead of listen? To judge instead of care? To hinder instead of help?

Why is it that we can find the fault in others SO fast & easily but struggle to EVER truly admit the fault in ourselves?

Truth is, there are bad apples out there. But in reality, none of us are a perfect apple. We all have some sort of blemish, discoloration, quirk. We may be missing our stem. We may have a small hole (or even multiple holes). We might even have a bite out of us. We might have fallen off the tree-- we might be bruised or we might be going bad. BUT WE ARE NOT BAD. Most of us aren’t bad apples. We are JUST apples.

Why do we feel it necessary to judge someone for their imperfections as if we had none?

How different would the world be if we stopped judging and starting accepting responsibility? How different would things become if we admitted our fault and continually strived to overcome our own weaknesses and imperfections? How different would things turn out if we chose to accept others’ realities with an equal weight to our own realities?

How can we begin to reverse the damage a few bad apples have done?

How can I do better in my own life to take responsibilities for the wrongs I’ve done and mistakes I’ve made, regardless of my ability or desire to continually justify those actions?

What good has EVER come out of the statement “it’s her/his fault”?? None. NONE. We should NEVER cast blame on another. We should ALWAYS seek to recognize our contributions/involvement/responsibility. After all, it takes two to tango, and what good can result from casting fault and blame, accepting no fault in return?

Can’t we do better? I know I can.