Who I Am Grateful For:: Natalie Barlow

Molly, Nat and I at Demi Lovato/David Archuleta Concert

Nat and I at my Ward Christmas Party Fall 2009

Nat, Me, Kenny at My 20th Birthday Party!

Nat and I at my 20th b-day party!

Nat and I - Right after she and Kenny got married!

Me, Becky, and Nat at Becky's Bridal Shower

Me, Rachel, Natalie at Rachel's Bridal Shower

Me, Kenny, Natalie at Nat's bridal shower!

Nat and I at Tucanos!

Nat, Keva, Me at RS activity December 2009

Nat and I - December 2009

Me and Nat - Christmas Tree Farm 2009

Me and Nat - BYU Basketball game

Me and Nat - BYU Basketball game!

Me and Nat in SLC after BYU basketball game :)

Nat and I in SLC on Temple Square

Nat and I at a BYU Basketball game

Nat, Erica, Me at a BYU Basketball game (front row seats!)

Nat and I at a BYU Basketball game!

Nat, Molly, and I - Christmas Tree Farm (Dec 2009)

Nat and I before a BYU Football Game! Gotta love free Hot Chocolate!

This is MY sister Natalie-

       One of the ABSOLUTE
      BEST friends
       I've ever had.

Me, Nat, Molly with pitiful tree :)

Nat and I in the Chicago Airport! Heading home for Christmas!

Nat, Me, Brittany Oaks, Meghan Grange, Kris Keeler, Nick Potts, Brandi Fausett

Nurturing
Awesome
Thankful
Admirable
Lovable
Intelligent
Encouraging

Multi-talented
Astonishing
Reliable
Inspirational
Exceptional

Natalie is nurturing. She takes care of me when I have a bad day, or when I'm not feeling well. Usually, without even being asked. She is awesome. No explanation needed there! Natalie is thankful, and so grateful to everyone who helps her and loves her. You'll never do a nice thing without hearing a "thank you" from her.  She is admirable. I look up to her and I want to be more like her. Always have, always will. She is lovable. Ask anyone who knows her. You can't help but love Natty:) She is actually more than just intelligent. She is intuitive, and she works hard, but that doesn't negate the pure intellect this girl has. She is encouraging- especially when you're feeling down.... She'll talk you up till you realize how great you really are.

Natalie is talented in so so many ways. She can sing, like an angel actually, and she is an amazing teacher. She has a unique ability to work with kids with disabilities and kids that are just struggling. Multi-talented doesn't do her justice. She is astonishing! She amazes me every day with the incredible things she does, even when she is sick or having a rough day. Natalie is reliable. Any time- day or night. She'll be there. And if she says she'll do something, she'll do it. She's one of the most reliable people I know. She is inspirational. Just knowing her makes me want to be a better person. Natalie is EXCEPTIONAL. She really is an exception to every other cookie cutter person out there. She's different, and she makes you realize there really is good still in the world.

Me, Molly, Nat with even more pitiful tree - December 2009

Me and Nat at a BYU Basketball game

Nat, Me, Rachel, Stephanie, Wendy

Natalie and I - Christmas 2009

Me and Natalie - White Out BYU Basketball Game

Nat and I at Temple Square

Me and Nat at the BYU Whiteout

Natalie, Emily Tsai, and Me

Nat, Me, Rachel, Nick, Tyler (Potts Family!)

 I don't know if words could even begin to describe how much I
LOVE my sister...

But if you didn't notice, there are dozens of pictures of the two of us.
                                         And those are only from the past year.
              She's one of my best friends.
                           Wouldn't trade her for anything.
Even if it meant gaining all the riches in the world.
                       Cause this might sound cheesy...
But I've already got all the riches right here with me.
                                She's all I really need.



 I love you sister. More than words, or even pictures, could explain.
Thank you for EVERYTHING you've ever done for me,
And everything you'll ever do to help me.

You're amazing.

- J

Who I Am Grateful For:: My Mother

I realized this is NOVEMBER. The month leading up to Thankgiving, and the blog posts of all blog posts! (Every year, I post 100 things I am grateful for on each Thanksgiving day.) Why is this such a realization? Well, I've been wanting to show more gratitude to those who have touched my life.

As such, in the month of November, I will post a post per every day (so by the end of the month, I will have posted 30 people I am grateful for). Not just what I am grateful for, but WHO I am grateful for. I'll save the what's for Thanksgiving Day.


                                           Here is the first: My Mother

Mother,

                 You are a saint.
You don't just live and take care of your kids along the way...
                               You live for your kids.
You would give your life for us,
           to protect us from harm.

              AND

I've seen the way you give up SO much for me....
                       for all of us.

You sacrifice TIME, money, sleep....
in return
you get:


     gray hairs             STRESS

           headaches           worries!
                           no sleep        medical bills    


but HEY!

you have like a million quilts now, right??
And they're hand quilted. THAT is awesome.
Wish that could make up for the HOURS spent in hospitals
and plane flights.

                                      But mother. I love you.
You come home from quilting early, so I don't have to be alone.
When I am throwing up, you sit next to me.
When we make soup, you make me laugh.
You sleep in uncomfortable hospital chairs, so I don't have to sleep alone.
You text me and tell me you love me.
You make me smile when i've had a bad day.
When I hit other cars in the parking lot, you act like its no big deal
(even thought i know you're freaking), because you know I am freaking out.
You work when I am in school to help me pay for tuition.
You pay for my groceries, when I run out of money.
You always buy me more than I need, because you know it makes me smile.
                                       So mother, I love you.


You are the absolute best mother.
Rain or SHINE.
Smiles or tears.

YOU are the best.
No doubt about it.

I love you, Thank you....
For every thing.
The BIG THINGS, and the small.
They have meant more than you know.

- J

You May Call Me THE LUCKIEST

I take my life for granted. I realized today how truly fortunate I am. I could not be any luckier.

I, like most people, struggle believing that people really love me, and care about me. I got this tumor and all I could think of was the negative... How I had to leave my friends, and how I had to drop out of school.... How I had to give up so much.... I was scared. I was angry. I was upset. I was frustrated.

My daddy told me I could use this to be angry at God and pull away, or lean on him and get close to Him. I chose to lean on him. What's the point of being angry?! I have SO many blessings.

STARTING with my good friend Jesse Wride. He reminded me of all the good things I have in my life. And, he's honestly, one of the best things in my life. And by things, I mean people. Jesse has this ability to make me feel important and special. He's always there for me, no matter what. Jesse is one of the most remarkable people I know. He inspires me every day. I hope to be half the friend he is one of these days. I could not be luckier. Jesse is unique. He has the ability to be honest, and real with you in tough situations, but without hurting you. He really cares a lot about people, especially his friends. I have witnessed first hand what he's willing to do for his friends. He's one of the most selfless people I know, really. He has taught me so much about what a good friend is. He's someone I know I will always be able to trust, rely on, and depend on for the rest of my life. And that in itself makes this life worth it.

He reminded me that I didn't need this tumor for people to care about me... To me, it felt like it wouldn't make a difference... I tend to be quite insecure. I need to work on that. Then I looked at my blog... And my facebook.... And this is what I saw:



Just shows how strong you are. You are incredible. I love you Jenna Baker!! i'm praying for you babe. "I loved you too much to just be your friend-So God let me be your sister." love you jeny. Love ya! I LOVE YOU YA you're in my prayers j baby!! "it's the character that's the strongest that God gives the most challenges to. Now you can take that as a compliment." LOVE YOU! all i can say is just don't ever give... up, ever. Praying for you Jenna. We'll keep you in our prayers and PLEASE call if you need anything! Jenna! I'm sorry, you've had so much to face. But you're so strong and you inspire me! Is there anything I can do for you?? Any thing at all??? Please let me know!!! You're awesome!!! Remember that!!!! :) jenna, you're the best :) We're thinking about and praying for you right now. You are stronger than you know. And I think you know you are pretty strong. Just wanted to let you know that you are loved and I am here if you need ANYTHING. Jenny. I love you. Just thought you should know. i love you.Love you, Jenna. i love you too. every second of every day. Praying for you. Love you. i love you, jenna baker. i love you more than you know! Jenna Baker: I LOVE you, girl and will be here for you every single step of the way ♥ NO MATTER WHAT. Jenna Baker you are awesome! I love you! And I'm your biggest stalker! And things WILL get better, as cliche as that sounds. I love you girl. And I'm totally here for you no matter what!! :) :) Hey Jenna! I just wanted to let you know that our family is praying for you! Love ya!


Reading all these posts made me SMILE. I am loved. By so many of you, and by my Heavenly Father. God loves me. And he won't give me anything I can't handle. But he isn't making me do any of this alone. He has blessed me with YOU. And I have a humble and loving brother Jesus Christ who has suffered these exact pains, physically and emotionally, and he will not leave me comfortless. How blessed I am!!

I am lucky.
Lucky because I have a caring daddy who calls me daily.
Because my mother loves me even though I'm crazy and emotional.
I have hilarious and loving roommates.
Music blesses my life.
I have the BEST friends who put up with my mood swings.
Because my friends stick with me even when I treat them like crap.
Lucky because I have the restored church of jesus christ in my life.
I am lucky.

So thank you. Thank you to everyone who has taken even one minute to talk to me, ask me how I am doing, give me a hug, or an encouraging thought. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for the favors. Thank you for your time, your kind words, your warm hearts. Thank you for being amazing. And helping me feel so incredibly lucky. LUCKY.
You may call ME the luckiest. Cause I am. Despite the hard times. Despite how chance seems to play tricks with me. I wouldn't trade THIS life... for anything!

Is Life REALLY Hard?

I once read a quote (that I can't seem to find) that said that once you accept that life is hard, it isn't so hard. That may not make very much sense, but when you really think about it, it is the one thing that in reality, makes the most sense.

We as a society set the bar so high for happiness. We assume that life is so hard, and happy times are so unreachable. When in reality, if we accept life is hard, we can set the bar at a much more reasonable level. (I explain this much better in speech.) What I mean, is that once you accept life is hard, it doesn't have to be hard anymore.. We say that life is hard, and once in a while its easy. Well, I no longer will do that.. From now on life is what it is, and when I have that attitude, life is so easy. I don't get frustrated in certain situations any more because what's the point?

"When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?""
- Sydney J. Harris

Okay, so that probably made no sense. But, if you understand what I am saying- doesn't that just make you want to change the way you've been looking at your life all that makes ALL the difference.

Once I realized this... Well, my life is a MILLION times better. It really is. I am just so happy, and I feel so blessed. When I say I am the luckiest, I mean it. I have been blessed with such a wonderful life, such amazing friends. So thank you everyone... And I thank my Father in Heaven. Without him, I'd be nothing:)

My advice, Take a minute to think of your life, and think of how much happier you'd be if every "hard time" was the usual, so when life got "easier", it meant so so much more. Remember that God is to thank for your blessings, for your life. And when you remember that- everything is just so much better, it really is!

- J

LOVE

Sometimes I feel the phrase "I love you" is used to often, and just flutters off the tounge with no real thought into what it means. Other times I feel "I love you" isn't said enough. Why is it that we struggle telling those we care for the most how strongly we feel, how much we love them? Why is it that we slip out "I love you" to people we barely know in either a joking tone, or simply out of convenience? Maybe if we understood what it really means, especially in regards to what it means for each of us individually, we'd use the phrase more carefully, specifically, and passionately.

Skye Thomas wrote an article regarding what "I love you" means. I'd encourage you to read it. What she does, is she splits up the three words into emphasis. When you emphasize "I" you are letting the person that you love that person. Usually, she explains, you use this 'version' to comfort someone when they feel alone, or unloved. By emphasizing that YOU love them, not that they might be loved, it makes a difference. When emphasizing "love" you are making the point that you don't just like, or care for, or even admire, but you do LOVE them. It has a lot of meaning when you emphasize love. Lastly, when emphasizing "you" we want the individual we are speaking with to know we don't just love anybody, or everybody, we love them. She made the point that we already say "I love you" and usually mean it. We already make emphasis. But she encourages us to really mean and emphasize each word. And say way. When you say you love someone, tell them why. You don't have to elaborate and make it some big deal. Just give a sentence or two, a minute, anything, and just say why.

Melody Brooke made two points I'd like to share.
1) "I love you" can mean different things to different people. You can say it to a friend, a loved one, a child, a family member, etc.
2) "I love you" is more than just 3 words. Loving someone is an action. It is the actions that teach us what the words mean.

Valentine's Day, and other holidays/birthdays shouldn't be the only days we show love, or express our love. We should be telling those we truly care about how much we care about them, even if love isn't the expression at first. We also shouldn't express that love for people before we are sure. The world has enough people out to hurt and break others hearts, why should we carelessly throw out these words like they mean nothing- When in reality those three words mean everything (if used in appropriate times).

My advice. Tell those you love that you do love them by actually saying, "I love you." Then tell them why. Second, if you aren't sure that you do love someone (as a friend, or as something more) don't say it until you are.

- J

Selflessness

William Bradford of the Seventy (lds church) once said, "If you would be truly happy, these acts must be acts of selflessness. Selflessness will turn sadness into a cheerful countenance. Selflessness produces kindness and dispels hypocrisy. Selflessness develops love, confidence, and trust. It is the vehicle of generosity. It is the resource God uses to answer the prayers of His children."

I have realized a lot of the time selflessness is a rare sight. Instead, we fill our minds with selfish thoughts and desires. Our society lacks the desire to be selfless. Sometimes it is simply easier to think of ourselves and have our actions act in result. But have you ever thought you might just be happier if you chose to be selfless instead?

"Selflessness is the giving of oneself in the serving of others
and the giving of oneself in being served by others.
Selflessness is a marvelous virtue.
It embraces the true spirit of companionship.
It is the very essence of friendship.
It is the portrayer of true love and oneness in humanity.

Fundamental to our individuality is agency.
The divinely given and heaven-protected gift of agency
allows us to determine our own balance of selflessness.
How and to what degree we serve others
and allow them to serve us is our choice."

It is our choice to the extent we serve, and allow others to serve. Think for one moment how your life has been blessed or bettered by one selfless act you performed. Think of a time when you helped another despite complications that could have resulted on your end. Now imagine how much happier you would be if your life were filled with those moments! Now imagine those times when you can see someone is desperately trying to serve or help you, and you just blow them off. Is it our right to deny others the happiness we too are seeking? All too often we explain there is barely enough time to help ourselves, let alone other people. And yet, if we are good, we do set apart some time to serve them. But when they try to help us, sometimes we fight it, and claim we have better things to do... That we could do it better on our own. But how true is that statement?

Couldn't we all use a hand helping us in our lives?

"Selfishness is closing the door of service to others

and disallowing others to serve us in love

while at the same time we attempt to serve ourselves

or wrongly exact service from people.

There is no happiness in selfishness.

It is a sin. Its product is misery and loneliness.

It alienates companions and develops enmity in human relationships."

I never really thought that being selfish was affecting my relationships with others until a good friend sat me down and talked with me about my choices and how maybe the reason I felt abandoned and lonely at times was because I was putting it on myself. Every time I made a selfish decision instead of choosing to help a good friend, I was putting those I cared most about second in my life. And putting others second to yourself, is never a good idea. I couldn't be happy because I was alone, and I was alone because I alienated myself by choosing to only take thought in myself, my desires, and what I thought I needed.

Remember, if you want to be happy, you can. Happiness is a choice. Remember that serving others, and allowing others to serve you can change your life, and theirs. Remember that selfishness can never result in true happiness. You don't want to look back and regret the way you've lived your life, because you were too self focused to make a change.

I hope you too can find some inspiration in the little things, and remember- good happens.

- J

Be The Change

Today I had a rare experience, one I hope I can be fortunate to see again. I was feeling overwhelmed and rushed and just wanted to get to class. In my hurry I was thinking of no one but myself. While walking quickly towards the elevator to get up to the 4th floor for class, in front of the buttons were two individuals. One was a young man and a young woman (in their twenties). The young woman was in a wheel chair. And as she reached to push the buttons to go down to the floor below, she reached a little too forward, and fell out of her chair. Having no strength of her own, she lay there helplessly. In a split second after her fall, this young man ran over to her, scooped her into his arms and sat her back in her chair. After which, he picked up all of the things that had fallen out of her chair, and her lap. I sat there kind of helpless, wishing there was something I could do. I didn't want to intrude, but I felt terrible. She just kept repeating, "I don't know why I fell out of my chair.." over and over again. I re pushed the elevator button and held the door open for her. As she thanked me, the doors closed.

I may never see her again, but I will always remember this experience. I didn't save a life, I didn't witness that young man save a life. But I saw a life that was touched, and I felt my life touched in the process.

We are not required to help others. It is not mandatory in our society. We are naturally selfish people, and we choose to do things for ourselves. So why did this young man help this young lady? Maybe there still is some decency in the world. Sometimes I look out at the corruption, pain, disgust, torture, etc. that exists all around us and I wonder how we went from simpler and better times to such horrible days. I wonder if there really is any good left in the world.

The Lord himself said, "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." That reminded of a hymn that may be familiar to you:

Have I done any good in the world today?
Have I helped anyone in need?
Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?
If not, I have failed indeed.
Has anyone’s burden been lighter today
Because I was willing to share?
Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?
When they needed my help was I there?

Can you imagine what life would be like if we all had this on our minds as we went throughout our daily lives? There are so many people that need our help, and so many of us that need that help. If we even take a moment to be willing, we can change a life.

As we look out on our lives, and the society that surrounds us, we may not see much good left in the world. But I testify that good happens. That good exists. You don't see extremely selfless acts of service on a daily basis, but when you do, doesn't that make you want to change the way you go throughout your day? Good happens, and will continue to happen if we choose to be that good. Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." So if you don't like what you see around you, you can be the one to start the cycle of change. Break the cycle of selfishness that surrounds us. It is possible, and it can start with you!

A man named Michael Angier said,
"In order for things to change, YOU have to change.
We can't change others; we can only change ourselves.
However, when WE change, it changes everything.
And in doing so, we truly can be the change we want to see in the world."

Remember that although at times it seems there is no hope for us in the world today, that if we really want to see a change, we must be the ones to start the cycle of changing. Remember that you can make a difference no matter how small or insignificant you may feel.

I hope you too can find some inspiration in the little things, and remember- good happens.

- J